The Day I Knew My Marriage Was Over

January 20, 2016

My Strong Friends,

Happy New Year!! We are well into 2016 and hopefully your New Years Resolutions are going strong.  I made a goal to eat breakfast every morning.  As long as Diet Coke counts for that, I'm rocking the resolution! Haha!!

But, as I have started to approach the anniversary of my divorce, I've been thinking a lot about it.  And I felt tonight, that I needed to share the day that I knew my marriage was over.  It's kind of depressing, but I wonder if a lot of you can share in the same feelings that I had.

And so my story continues.....

Do you remember when I told you several blogs back that I had watched a church talk about the effects of the tears that wives shed over their husbands? That they will be held accountable in heaven? Then the speaker went on to talk about physical, emotional and verbal abuse.  I could relate because I shed a lot of tears when nobody was looking.  But I never thought I was THAT wife that was abused!  I always imagined it to be the one on the commercials...looking scraggly with bruises on her body.  So I knew it was time to investigate.  Research, rather.  The following Monday morning, I dropped my youngest off at preschool and I had 3 extra hours.  I drove to the Walmart parking lot, found a remote parking space, turned off my car and starting researching on my phone.  I googled "emotional abuse."  What I found by clicking on that search button was something that would begin the unraveling of my marriage.  I found article after article about emotional and verbal abuse...all about the abusee and the abuser.  The symptoms, signs, suggestions and more.  Some were different, but mostly similar in attributes of the abuser and help for the abusee.  The only reason I knew that I fit in that category, was that I could checkmark each symptom or sign of abuse that my husband showed.  Every one but "embarrassing/humiliating in public".  He never did that.  In fact, he would praise me in front of others, yet put me down and make me feel horrible in private.  I remember specifically at the bottom of this article, there was an asterisk with the following:

"If you can checkmark three or more of these symptoms/signs, get out immediately and call the abuse hotline."

I panicked.  I cried.  I sobbed.  In the back of my minivan in the Walmart parking lot, I was a hot mess.  I really was abused!! This was real, folks!  I wasn't scraggly with bruises all over but I was bruised and scraggly on the inside.  And I had to run? Get out immediately? How was I supposed to do that?  I cried and sobbed the whole time that my little one was in preschool.  Then I slapped on the happy mom face and picked her up and carried along with my day.  Who was I supposed to turn to? I remember feeling earth shattering panic.  I needed to confront my husband.  I needed to go to the source.  I think it took me a couple of days but I mustered up the courage and confronted him.  When we had a moment alone, I showed him a video clip of that talk and told him that I think he was verbally and emotionally abusing me, that this is serious and we needed to take action immediately.  When an abuser is confronted, what usually happens? Disbelief, denial, blame.  He was very mad and wouldn't really acknowledge me for 3 days.  I was petrified.  It was as if Pandora's Box was opened and there was no going back.  I never escaped.  I never called the hotline.  In fact, I decided that this was a little too much and I needed to sweep this under the rug for now.  However, this pile of garbage couldn't be hidden by a metaphoric rug.  This had to be dealt with.  It was just a matter of time.

And this story gets more interesting.  The next blog will be all of the unravelings of my marriage.

Here's the question, my beautiful STRONG friends:  Was it worth it? Was it worth it to confront him? To let him know that this was serious business and had to be addressed? That I discovered that I was, in fact, abused?

Absolutely.  And I'll tell you why.

The journey that commenced after this day is a journey that I, only I, needed to experience to be the woman I am today.

Remember how I was sobbing like a blubbering mess in the Walmart parking lot? I was kind of talking to myself, but I was mostly blubbering to God.  Asking Him what I should do.  How I should handle this.  How I go on.  This was the first day that He showed me that He gave me a backbone and I should probably use it, no matter the outcome.  I realized that's where my strength came from.  God.  Oh, and my backbone. ;)

So here it is my people.  No matter what station you are in your life, whether you're discovering like I did, that you are abused.  Whether you've already accepted it and contemplating what to do.  Here's my advice:

Get on your knees and ask HIM.  Then, using your backbone that He gave to you, stand up.  Stand tall.  Stand strong.

And prepare yourself for your journey.  Because it's yours only.

I love you.  You can do this, whatever "this" in your life might be.  Do it.

Strengthly yours,

aMOMynous2015