Dear Superheroes,
Hello Summer!! What we look forward to during those long winter months!! Now we are enjoying the hot weather, sun-screened and sun-kissed skin, making memories with our families and loved ones...and now we're heading back to school. There. I said it. Stores are already selling the list items so I knew I could mention it. I know, people, I'm crying with you. The part of the year that we look so forward to, just flies by, doesn't it? Time does fly when you're having fun! Hang on to those memories. Laugh with your kiddos, your spouse, your friends all around you. Because before you know it, it will be back to carpools, backpacks, sign up sheets, lunches...schedules!!! I just threw up in my mouth. ;)
I love traveling. I always have. I love road trips, flying on airplanes, hotel staying and adventures. There is nothing more fun than packing up a suitcase and a car and heading to adventure. Can you relate? Maybe some of you can.
Back to my story......
I remember one trip that we took as a family that was magical. My husband at the time, had a couple of work meetings in a town about 4 hours away. He needed to stay in a hotel, so we thought we would make a vacation out of it and take the whole family. We packed up the car and headed out. Everything was perfect! The hotel room was fancy schmancy because the company was paying for it, of course! My kids loved that they could look out over the water. And wouldn't you know it, one of my friends was unable to attend a traveling Broadway show in that city and sold her tickets to us so we could go have a night on the town, and the kids could relax and play in the hotel room.
*Disclaimer: My oldest was old enough at this point to watch the younger ones. :) *
I remember loving this trip because it was spontaneous and I was able to see a show I had been dying to see. Even though I had been an empty shell of sadness, this was a bright spot. My kids still remember that hotel to this day.
Then I remember another trip.......
We had a couple of couple friends that we enjoyed doing things together. My husband wasn't much of a social bird, so he didn't really want to get together that often, so sometimes I would go solo, or bring my kids, or sometimes I could convince him to come with me.
Well, we all decided that it would be fun to go to Mexico together. I immediately figured that my husband wouldn't want to go, but when he expressed commitment to going, I couldn't contain my excitement!!! You see, he preferred to stay at home, he was a homebody and it was usually me that was adventurous to go and see places!! So I don't blame him and his wishes and I don't blame mine! Just two people desiring to do two different things.
But this trip we were on the same page. How exciting!!! I worked very hard in getting passports, packing and getting ready for an adventure of a lifetime!! Could it really be real that he wanted to go? Well, a few days before we were to depart to tropical paradise, I got the worst news ever. He was in a bit of a depressed mood, he hadn't lost the weight he had hoped to, and he became very self-conscious. So self-conscious and depressed that he decided to bail on the trip we had been planning for months. Bailing!!!! I started Wailing!!! He told me to take my best girlfriend, that I would want to be with her anyway, that he would be no fun. I did my best to convince him to get past all of his insecurities. To no avail. I decided that I needed to be a supportive wife and stay home with him. I vividly remember later that day that I went to my best friend's house, stood on her doorstep and cried, letting her know that we weren't going. We didn't get a reimbursement, as we had already paid for the trip.
I remember that I felt so sad. So completely devastated. Something that I had been talking about, planning and preparing for fell through because of the fear of his weight on the beach. Our friends ended up having a great time and making so many memories. But boy, I can remember the way it made me feel. Pretty darn lousy.
So I have a point to these two stories.
It wasn't ALWAYS pain and anger and sadness that went on in our marriage. We had good times. We would laugh and make memories, etc. But when the pain and anger and sadness following would happen, it would be as if no time had passed since the instance before.
That's why emotional and verbal abuse are so difficult to detect. Because it's NOT always meanness, anger, and fighting. It's the whole cycle thing that we've talked about before. You could go for days, weeks, months without any type of argument. But when that argument happens, look out. It won't be pretty.
So here is what I want you to do, my sweetest SuperHeroes:
I want to you notice a pattern. Watch closely and observe. Look for triggers that might start up an explosion. Just observe and take notes. You might not even notice a pattern, but you might notice a particular subject that gets him/her heated. Or day of the week. Whatever it may be, take notice.
Then use that to your advantage. When you find out the "trigger" get ready. Be prepared to shut the verbal/emotional operation down. Confront it. Point out that trigger. Suggest your loved one to watch for him/herself, if they are willing. Don't be afraid. Have that courage.
Because you don't have to live each day, wondering if it will happen today.
I want you to live each day to YOUR fullest. YOUR happiest. Because YOU are worth it!
So worth it.
Strengthly yours,
aMOMynous
